Psalm 68:6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.
This verse tells us that God is interested in setting up families. The Bible begins with a marriage instituted by God Himself- between Adam and Eve. The Bible closes with a grand marriage between the Lamb and His Bride-the church. And in between these pages, we have numerous examples of how God set the solitary in families.
Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD [Prov. 19:14]. Therefore you can ask of the LORD, to answer your prayer in marriage. Ask, and it will be given to you. But, don’t stop with only asking; be an active participant- seek and you will find. Knock on the specific door shown to you, and the door will surely open for you (Matt. 7:7). I have heard quite a few ‘single’ persons say, if it is God’s will let Him bring it to pass. I say ‘Amen’. But I also say, do not sit passively waiting; be an active participant in fulfilling God’s will in your life. God is willing; and He wants us to be involved in the answer He provides. This is a similar situation, if you have finished your studies and waiting for a job. Unless you apply for a job, you have no reason to expect an answer!
B. Finding a Life Partner
Fellow believer: As a believer and single, look for another believer in marriage. 1 Cor. 7:39 says: A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. [See also 2 Cor. 6:14].
Agreement on major issues: Also, look for agreement on major issues in your life-partner. Amos 3:3 says: Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? And marriage is a decision to walk together for the rest of your lives as a couple. It is mostly a long walk. Therefore, before marriage, consider each other and see that you agree on major issues.
Compatibility: See if the other person is suitable for you in aspects of spirit, soul and body. Here I am not saying that you should look for 100% compatibility or wait for a perfect life-partner according to your imaginations. Please understand that perfect people are not here on earth (they are only in heaven!!). In Gen. 2:18, when God made Eve for Adam, it says in the Bible that He made him a helper compatible {suitable corresponding} to him.
Make your choice: The life-partner in marriage must be our choice, too. In the verse in 1 Cor. 7:39, it says “… whom she wishes, …” If you are having difficulty making a choice, look for God’s peace in your decision. It is God’s peace that acts as an umpire in our hearts [Col. 3: 15] to know and to do His will.
Be decisive: Once you have found His will, go ahead and prove it in your decision, whether to marry or not. It is we who have to prove the good, acceptable and perfect will of God in our lives (Romans 12:2). Don’t endlessly wait and become doubtful later of God’s intentions. Take a step- decide!
C. Living together Harmoniously
Lifelong Covenant: Some people came to Jesus, and testing Him asked “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
For believers, divorce is not an option. We have a covenant with one another as man and wife. It is from the beginning as God ordained. We have taken a vow to be with our spouse, in sickness and in health, in riches and poverty; in joy and in sorrow… till death do us part. Therefore what God has joined, man shall not put asunder.
Leaving and Cleaving: Jesus quotes from the Old Testament- it has not changed in the New Covenant- Man shall LEAVE his father and mother… and be JOINED to his wife. And the two shall become one flesh.
Love: Col. 3:14 says: But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. Love is the bond that binds us- makes us one; keeps us united. If you lack love, the marriage is bound for troubled waters. PUT ON LOVE. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [1 Cor. 13:4-7]. These are practical truths possible to display in a husband-wife relationship.
Husbands, love your wives. (Eph 5:25) Wives, love your husbands. (Titus 2:4). There should be mutual respect between husband and wife- the wife honouring the husband (Eph 5:33), in private and in public; and the husband honouring the wife (1 Pet. 3:7).
Faithfulness: Before marriage, you may have been independent and making your own decisions. But after marriage, we must learn to adapt, adjust and to be inter-dependent. Keep in mind the interest of the other person in marriage. And in this depraved world, it is absolute faithfulness to one’s own spouse, which is the standard set for us as believers. It has not changed! The biblical standard of purity and faithfulness is relevant even in today’s world. For fornicators and adulterers, God will judge [Heb. 13:4].
Live your Defined Roles of Responsibility: I do believe that it is the husband’s role, primarily, to earn and provide for the home, although we have, in today’s world, both the husband and wife going about their work. And although there is equality between man and his wife, there are also well-defined roles in the family where man IS the head of the family. And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband in this his role [1 Peter 3:1]. Therefore, let us seek to do our defined roles at home [See also Titus 2:4, 5].
We have the example of the equality in the Triune God- God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit- Three equal One. And the Bible also says about God the Father being the head of Christ. (1 Cor 11:3). In a similar manner, the equality of the man and woman in marriage is complemented by the submission of the wife to the authority of her husband.
It is God’s will to settle us in families; if you are single, look forward to God’s work in your lives. Be adaptable and be willing to actively involve yourself, in asking in prayer; seek to find, and knock on specific doors. Look for a suitable life-partner and decide on the basis of God’s leading and peace. Do not decide on the basis of your understanding. God desires for you to live harmoniously together. Therefore, know that what God has joined together, man shall not separate. Put on love and participate in the defined roles of responsibility.
Blessed and harmonious life together is our portion. Even if it feels like a desert in your marriage, there is One who can make streams to flow in the desert; and the wilderness will blossom and the field will be counted as a forest – flourish like Lebanon. There is always HOPE- even against hope. Put your faith in the living God; He is for us. Even if one is unbelieving, the love of Jesus Christ will change hearts. Love that will not let us go… Love that is, till the end. We- the married man and wife, can display this love, till death do us part. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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